i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
