I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have fence marks all over my body
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
