i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
