Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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