How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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