I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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