Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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