just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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