hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
