I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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