i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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