Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
