my soul wont recognize me after tonight
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's official drugs can't kill me
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
