Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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