he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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