I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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