You're so nebulous sometimes
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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