I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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