She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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