Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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