You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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