Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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