this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
