I will die if light touches me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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