my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
