Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
