when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
