just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
