You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
