i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
