3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
