In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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