She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
