shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
