I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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