Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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