I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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