I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
