I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
