I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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