Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
