Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
