Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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