We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
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