I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
