Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
