Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
