Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
