You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
