The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
