you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
