i just had sex bonerless
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We need to get me chipped asap
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
