I want to have your abortion
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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