she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
