i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
