rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
